


Then and now

by sugarandspace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Nightmares, Old Age
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 02:58:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: The time has come when Alec is old and feeble, but Magnus stands by his promise





	Then and now

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n10KXUr_tDc)

_ He’s standing on a small hill, vast plains of nothingness stretching as far as his eyes carry. The air is cold and gray and there’s mist lingering on the grassy ground. He’s alone and he tries to call for someone, anyone, but his words get stuck somewhere between his mouth and the air. Not a sound comes out, the silence a deafening force around him.  _

_ He’s alone and he can’t call for anyone. _

_ He starts to walk, first hesitant steps to a direction he chooses randomly, not sure which way would bring him closer to someone he knows, someone he loves. Until the direction doesn’t matter anymore. He starts to run, his steps pounding on the ground but not making a sound. He has to run, has to find someone because he can’t take the emptiness anymore. _

_ He runs and runs and runs until his legs burn and his lungs ache but he can’t find anyone, he’s all alone in a field that never ends and that never makes a sound. _

_ He’s all alone. _

-.-.-

Magnus wakes up with a small jolt, a familiar reaction to the warlock. He knows the dream, has found it his companion several nights now - but it never stops filling his veins with ice that threatens to stop his heart from beating. 

He looks to his left to see that he’s not alone, Alexander is there, by his side, like he’s been for several decades now. He’s sound asleep, and Magnus is glad. It’s rare his nightmares wake Alec up, and it’s good because the man needs all the rest he can get. 

They are both old, though only Alec looks the part.

He looks faded, his once dark hair glowing silver in the moonlight, his features sunken and the laugh lines prominent around his mouth and eyes. The eyes that are closed now, but that Magnus knows have not faded. His Alexander might look different now, but he’s still the same person Magnus fell in love with all those years ago. Still the protective Shadowhunter he fell in love with, still the loyal husband he married, still a loving father to their two boys. 

He’s covered by two blankets, the top one a quilt made by Clary. The quilt is old, its edges frayed from use. Clary would be happy to know how many times the quilt has kept them warm, how it’s keeping Alec warm now when his thinning body finds it hard to keep warm by itself. 

Magnus’ mind drifts to two stones standing side by side at a cemetery in Idris. The picture in his mind a product of his imagination, since as a warlock he’s never been able to actually visit the graves. 

There are other ways to remember those he’s lost, he knows that. Many of them never even got a grave, or at least not one Magnus knows about. But to know that there would be a chance to visit the physical remains of his friends, a chance he’s being denied because of who he is, it fills Magnus with anger.

Alec knows it, and has requested that his remains will be buried here in New York.

Magnus doesn’t want to think about that.

He swallows thickly and moves his eyes away from Alec’s sleeping form. He gets out of bed, as quietly as he can, slipping on a robe before heading out of the bedroom. He walks the stairs down with familiarity that is brought by over fifty years of living in the house. He knows which stairs creak under weight and knows to avoid them.

The stairs that Alec finds harder to climb as days pass.

Their house feels empty now, when their kids no longer live here. They had moved out of the flat when Max and Rafael were fairly small, knowing a house at the outskirts of the city would be a better place for them to grow up in. It’s a small house, but admittedly too much for the two of them.

But it’s their home, so Magnus doesn’t want to change it.

He hates it when things change. Especially the things he loves.

The thought of an upcoming change makes the pressure behind his eyes intensify, and as his eyes lock to a family picture on the wall, the tears overflow.

The picture is old, from when they first moved to the house. They are standing on the yard, Max on Alec’s shoulders while Rafael stands between his fathers. They are all smiling - wide, real smiles - not the kind you put on for a picture. The photo is a perfect picture of their family, the happiness and love radiating from it, but all Magnus can focus on at the moment is how long ago the picture was taken. 

How much has changed since.

How much is going to change soon.

He leans against the wall next to the picture, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth and hide any sounds that want to escape. He cries silently, even when the pain he feels is overpowering. 

The silence in the hallway is deafening, reminding Magnus of the dream. He takes a few shaky breaths and pushes himself away from the wall, walking towards the living room and passing more pictures on his way there.

Their boys visit them occasionally, but they have their own lives now. Their own families and their own kids. They have been visiting more often lately, but Magnus doesn’t want to think about the reason for that.

Magnus never thought he’d get this. Would get a family like this. He thought having kids wasn’t an option for him, and thought that he wasn’t meant to marry. But Alexander has given him all that, all that he’s ever dreamed of and then some. Magnus smiles faintly as he thinks back to when they got the boys, thinks about the surprising proposal and the small wedding with their friends and family.    

He hears a cough from upstairs.

The sound makes him falter in his steps, bringing him back to the present, to the reality of their time running out.

He reaches the tall windows and moves the curtain a bit to be able to look outside, to look at the big yard around their house. His eyes catch the reflection in the glass, his tear stained face the same it was when he met Alexander, the same it will be when he eventually loses him.

A day that’s not far in the future, he fears.

With all the time in the world, they wouldn’t have enough time. It would always be cut short. Magnus knew it when they started this, has known from the beginning that this was inevitable. Several people have tried to live forever, but save from those cursed with it since their birth or by transformation, it hasn’t been accomplished.

It was foolish to have hope.

Magnus should have known. After all, this is what love is to Magnus. This is how it has to end, time after time, no matter the way it comes to the end. The pain is what he’s left with.     

But Magnus doesn’t have a single regret. He’d do it again, would make every choice exactly as he’s done them since they met. Every second has been worth the pain that will follow from not having Alexander anymore.

They’ve grown together, have gone through things they at the time would much rather not have. But it has all built them into a stronger couple, one that is so obviously meant for each other 

Together they’ve changed the world. If not the whole world, then at least the one that’s Magnus’.

He hears the sound of a clock ticking on the wall, the sound of seconds passing sounding more frequent than it should. It’s like the clock is mocking him, reminding him of how fleeting the time is.

Magnus should use every second he has wisely, but sometimes he needs to have a moment to himself. A moment to break down and mourn for things that are to come. It’s pointless, the grief doing nothing to change the situation, but it helps him stay composed in the times his husband needs him, those times more frequent day by day, but never too much to Magnus. 

Always worth it to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> I just want to say that despite this fic being what it is I'm 100% team immortal husbands. They deserve to live happily. Forever. And if they don't get that I'm going to riot.


End file.
